Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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