You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
