are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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