he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I can't put those talents on a resume
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
