You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Randomize
