trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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