I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Randomize
