I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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