I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
