one two three fourrrrnication!
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
