you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize