The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I'm both gender and math confused
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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