I feel like abortions should bother me more
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize