the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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