Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
