You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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