That's intense
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
