Your tits are I can't wait for
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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