3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
