yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
