you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
