You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
