if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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