I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize