my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Randomize
