There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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