So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
