you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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