Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
