i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
