i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize