and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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