Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
