Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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