Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
