She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
