fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Randomize
