Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize