Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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