There is no way he is gay with that hair.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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