he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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