I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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