I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
