I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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