I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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