I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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