She went from zero to smokin in five shots
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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