How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
We're too hungover to prance.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
