Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
