Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
