Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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