chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
