I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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