She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
