ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
