Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
