oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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