i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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