I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I lost the right to judge tonight
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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