Where did you get a picture of my penis
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
