In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
