you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Watching her eat just hurts me
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Who died my cat blue again?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
