I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Holy shit dude........stairs
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
