How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
