Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
