but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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