call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
