just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
She told me I should be a condom model.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
