I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
