You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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