Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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