I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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